I was kidnapped today. No, not in Kabul or Tehran. I stepped out of my house on a tree-lined street in a typical American neighborhood to go to my doctor\u2019s appointment. Before I could open the car door, an enormous black SUV with tinted windows pulled up and blocked my car. Stunned, I surveyed the SUV and wondered what to do to get it out of my way. Two burley guys in dark business suits hopped out of the back doors, ran over to me, and, one on each side, ushered me into their car lifting me off the ground<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHey! What do you think you\u2019re doing? Put me down!\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>They shoved me into their car\u2019s back seat. One of them went around to the other door. They both got in and wedged me in the middle. The car screeched off at top speed, and the asphyxiating scent of cheap aftershave hit me like a brick.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>I half coughed and half screamed, \u201cHey! Stop! You can\u2019t do this!\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>The woman in the front passenger seat turned around and glared at me, but said nothing. I took deep breaths to calm myself. They hadn\u2019t hit me\u2014yet. Proficient in negotiation, I hoped I could talk my way out of this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLook. I have to get to my doctor\u2019s appointment right now. How about if we do this kidnapping thing later?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe know,\u201d the woman said in a bland voice dripping with negativity.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou know what<\/i>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe know about your appointment with Dr. Napoleon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHow do you know that?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>This was met with insolent silence.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>I decided to try again. \u201cYou have to return me to my car so I can get to my appointment\u2014now. Don\u2019t make me late!\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>The driver yelled, \u201cShut up! We\u2019re doin\u2019 a job here!\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>This was not encouraging. The thugs on either side of me looked straight ahead and didn\u2019t blink. They seemed like robots, except for their penetrating scent.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>In my most authoritarian manner I tried threatening them, \u201cI absolutely insist that you take me back. Kidnapping is a felony. You\u2019ll go to prison for the rest of your lives. I\u2019m a lawyer. Lawyers know things.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe\u2019re not kidnapping you. We\u2019re taking you to your appointment. Our mission is to deliver you on time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat! You\u2019re kidding! I got three reminder calls. It\u2019s on my calendar. What is<\/i> this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou didn\u2019t call back to confirm,\u201d she replied without emotion.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cOf course not. Why waste time calling when it\u2019s on my calendar<\/i>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cOur mission is to deliver you on time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBut I\u2019ve never<\/i> missed an appointment\u2014not in forty years. I\u2019m never late either.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat\u2019s not completely true. You missed a hair appointment in 2007. We need to be sure that never happens again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>This caught me by surprise. 2007? What happened in 2007? I remembered an appointment when the salon told me the wrong day of the week, but how did these creeps know that and what difference did it make?<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou were also ten minutes late for the dentist last year,\u201d she reminded me in a condescending manner.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI had a flat tire!\u201d I screamed. \u201cThey understood!\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDoesn\u2019t matter. Our mission is to deliver you on time.\u201d I was sure the repetition was intended to irritate.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSo. What about all the times I\u2019ve been on time<\/i>? Don\u2019t those count?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe know\u2014369 appointments including salon. We\u2019ve been keeping records for twenty years.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat about the hours I\u2019ve spent in the waiting rooms? That hair dresser is always late. How about that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cOne miss does it. You\u2019re considered unreliable<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>The SUV pulled up in front of my doctor\u2019s office, and the two thugs got out.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWait a minute!\u201d I yelled as one of them pulled me out of the back seat. \u201cHow\u2019m I getting home?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat\u2019s your problem,\u201d the woman shouted through her half-open window as the men walked me into the building holding onto my arms. \u201cOur mission is to deliver you on time. Mission accomplished. We\u2019ll see you again before your next appointment.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was kidnapped today. No, not in Kabul or Tehran. I stepped out of my house on a tree-lined street in a typical American neighborhood to go to my doctor\u2019s appointment. Before I could open the car door, an enormous black SUV with tinted windows pulled up and blocked my car. Stunned, I surveyed the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-short-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=278"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":279,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278\/revisions\/279"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/136"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmajoystories.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}